Grieving for Miao-Hua -1

After the Pattaya trip, I forgot to return a call to my girlfriend - Mo. We go out for lunch, actually she bought me lunch coz of her meaningfulness coldness. I had a great lunch, but I felt been punch right on my stomach after I finished my meal. We haven't seen each other for a while but we keep in touch by phone or e-mail, although we live 2 blocks away. We were schoolmates since we were in primary school, in junior high; and we still hanged out when we went to different junior colleages. We have a KHH group, major her calssmates who live in KHH, and me. We are closed to each other, because we all come from similar kind of back ground. We are the only girl in our family, we all went to TNN for junior colleage, we all grow up in KHH and we still live in KHH, we are friends over 20 years.

Cut off the crap, the main purpose for this lunch is a letter written by a girlfriend's husband. He couldn't reach me, so he asked Mo to delivery it. (For God's sake, I was in KHH all the time) It's a sky blue with light perfumed 140-gsm letter, it's typical of Miao-Hua's style. It is the last letter from Miao-Hua before she passed away at home on 10th March, coz by Ovarian Cancer. I really hope it was a joke, but it won't be Miao-Hua's style and Mo does look very sad, even she tried to hold back her tear. On the letter, she said how much she was sorry not to see any of us or to say good-bye, but she rather do it this way. She has taken chemotherapy and she was running out of time (only 2 months). Plus she was so pround of her appearance, she wanted us to remember how she look great and her sparkling smile. Mo called her before Chinese New year while she was in Chang Gung Memorial Hospital, but she was so weak and couldn't eat at all. In the end of letter, she was apologetic for not saying good-bye and she has prepared a CD for each of us. I AM SO ANGRY! I am so angry things turn out this way. I am angry her husband's weakness in front of family pressure. I am angry why she couldn't listen to us for once, for her own sake, divoice this man before this tragedy happened. I am so angry that not being able to stay beside her and telling her it'll be ended soon. I am so angry not be able to say good-bye. But it's too late. Her husband just does whatever she told him to do. And she wanted him to attend the reunit for her. I don't even know I can stand that.

They have been married for 10 years and that's also how long they have been tring to have a baby. Miao-Hua was a skinny girl, we called her "Bone girl". After their honeymoon, the family put a great pressure on her coz her husband is the only child in the family. They want them to have a son to carry on the family name asap. Therefore, 10 years, that's how long they have been fighting for fertility sterility. Miao-Hua was like me, we are terrified of needle. But she would make the daily injection on her belly, God knows how long she has done this to herself. Last time, we saw her, it's reunit 2 yrs ago. She was on Chinese herb treatment and she put on a bit weight which we were glad to see her like this. We felt anguished and told her to end this fight. But she was more worried that she would be forced to divorce if she couldn't have a baby. Anyway, it's too late now. That's the end of her story. I feel sorrow at her eternal leave but I can't forgive her way to say good-bye. Mo called her before Chinese New Year and she won't let any one else to know and she asked Mo to seal this information. Mo called her in hospital and her father woke her up. She said that she was weak and sleepy all the time. Mo wanted to bring her some chicken soup but she rejected. She asked about me, but Mo said I might be in Ireland still. Miao-Hua loved the post cards I send her over the Europe but she never left this island. She would like to travel, but she was too busy to visit her ob-gyn.

Now, she is free, she can eat whatever she wants, she can go wherever she likes, she can sleep as long as she wants. No more needle, no more medicine, no more smelly soup. We are the same age and we are on the same fight. But, I have DC's fully support and no such family pressure on me. It's God's blessing. I know Miao-Hua is one of the angle now. She will take care of us because she owns us.

I love you, girl, but I am still angry the way you say good-bye. I can't take the CD coz I am not brave enough to see your video but maybe another day I will. Now, I am very angry with you, you know what to do...so, piss off!